


I saw things, that I might not have seen

by infiniterhapsody



Category: Green Creek Series - T.J. Klune
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Flashbacks of torture, Gen, Panic Attacks, Psychological Torture, Torture, all that is already mentioned in the books, can you believe i extracted 9 word pages of content about this period, it killed me to find it all, it took me ages to find all the things about the silence period, not so graphic though, yes its the fic about joe's silence period
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 19:52:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16793659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infiniterhapsody/pseuds/infiniterhapsody
Summary: A year and a half passed. And nothing had worked. Not therapy, not his old friends, nothing.They were returning to Green Creek.Joe couldn’t remember what the feeling of “home” was.





	I saw things, that I might not have seen

Joe was playing in the front yard of his house in Maine, when he noticed a shadow in the trees. Before he realized it though, the shadow was on him, a paw pressed to his throat, so close to his face. _A wolf_. It was a wolf. But not one of his father’s. Then the wolf shifted and just said: “If you scream, I will kill everyone inside that house and I know your brothers are in there too. Do you want them to die? For their sake, I hope you don’t.” Claws were still on his throat, yet Joe managed to nod and the man took him away.

***

He found out later in the car he was in, bounded and gagged, that the man who took him was Richard. He remembered that his father and his grandfather were busy tracking a person. He didn’t know if he was the one they hunted. He just knew that he couldn’t stop shaking.

_At least everyone else is safe. Carter. Kelly. Mom. Everyone._

Would they miss him? Someone, anyone, please let him go home let him go home _, I want to go home please I want to go home._

***

When Richard took him, Joe was only 8 years old.

***

It was 8 weeks later when his father found him. 

***

A familiar man brought him to another place. An unknown woman was in front of him. She stared at him, and then she let her tears fall.

She kissed his cheeks. The tip of his nose and his chin. 

Then two wolves curled around him. One gray, with splotches; the other darker gray, with black and white on his hind legs.

He knows that they should be familiar.

But who are they?

Who is he?

He doesn’t move at all.

He didn’t remember.

Because it was better to not remember, to be closed off, to stop feeling anything. Because that kept him safe.

***

It took weeks before he started feeling again. 

And when the nightmares came, it always made things even worse.

***

He didn’t know where he was. Who he was. All he knew was that there were hands on him and he braced for the pain, braced for the pain that ripped him apart until his regeneration kicked in and healed him again and again so _he_ could hurt him more and _he was gone gone gone gone_ he didn’t even know his own name he just knew that whoever was touching him, they would hurt him again and again and he would wish he was dead and he wants to be dead he just wants the pain to stop, _please stop please please please no no no no no I can’t take it anymore please help-_

But the hands touching him didn’t bring the pain. He heard voices, but his mind couldn’t process what was said. All he did was surrender and let them take him away. Maybe he was dead after all.

***

He woke up. He had no idea where he was. He didn’t feel any pain. But he knew it was coming. It would come eventually. It was the game that wolf played.

People entered his room. It was new. Whenever that wolf was there, no one else was with him. Maybe he changed the game? Maybe he brought other people to hurt him now?

_No no no no no-_

He retreated far in the corner of the bed, trying to distance himself enough far, his eyes unseeing the faces around him, not seeing their expressions. But there were some little details here and there. He thought that maybe he had seen them before. A tall female, blonde haired. Two younger males, also blonde, hiding behind the female clutching their arms. But he dropped his gaze quickly and cried silently. It would only make things worse. Whatever he did, he knew the punishment was coming and it won’t be pretty and there were people here and they would hurt him and rip him apart until he couldn’t stand it anymore-

He shut down. He knew it was just easier to let go and let things happen.

No one hurt him. They just went out, and all he could do is smell the tears, but they weren’t his.

No one hurt him. That was strange.

***

He didn’t know how many weeks passed, but he was starting to understand what they were talking. 

It happened more often. People coming and entering his territory (was it even his territory? did he have any territory? he was useless, worthless) and bringing him food. He knew he must eat, the punishments for not eating just inflicted more pain, so he ate, he ate and struggled to keep the food inside, because if he didn’t he would be beaten again, would have his ribs broken again.

But it was strange. No one hurt him (yet). Who were they? Who was he?

***

It was a dawn when he first recognized the words; when a large man entered the room. He knew the wolf sent him here, he knew that that this was it, that it was time for pain and punishment and he almost curled up in the bed, exposing his neck, and whined so low, pleading, begging but he knew the words wouldn’t come out so maybe his whines would stop the man from breaking him apart. 

“Joe. Joe. Do you know who I am? Joe…. Please… talk to me.”

The man’s voice was soft, kind, as if he wasn’t going to hurt him. The wolf never spoke like that. Like he mattered.

_Who was Joe?_

He just whined some more and then curled up even more, hiding his neck. 

The man stood up and left the room.

And that was it.

***

Next time it was one of the smaller males. He didn’t know who that person was. He slammed his back to the wall, pressed both of his arms above his head, withdrawing his legs, making himself as small as he can because he needed to protect himself somehow.

“Fuck. Joe. Joe, I’m not going to hurt you. It’s me, it’s me Carter, can’t you feel me? Can’t you recognize me? I’m sorry if I scared you, dad said it looked like you understood him, and it’s been 2 weeks and I need you to look at me, please, please, my little brother please look at me.”

He didn’t react. 

That person, Carter, stayed in the room, crying. 

When he woke up again, a dark grey wolf was sleeping near his bed.

He hadn’t hurt him (yet) but maybe, _maybe_ he won’t.

***

He decided that staying in bed was hurtful enough. He needed to move. He wasn’t chained, he could move. Just not out of the room. He knew what the punishment for escaping would be.

The woman was back in the room again. He froze, unable to move from terror. All he could feel was anger from the woman and he knew that that was it. He watched her carefully, watched her approach, reach out with her hand to…

Before he knew it, he was shivering, crying mess, whining, trying so hard to stay still, but failing, he was a failure he knew that so why? Why wasn’t the pain coming? 

“Joe…. Joe… don’t. Don’t be afraid, I won’t hurt you, I’m your mother, you are my cub, you are my world…”

He looked at her, and she was crying too. He… He knew.

He knew who she was.

Elizabeth Bennett. 

His mother.

He was safe? No. Not safe. His father gave him away for being a bad son, bad attempt at being alpha, Richard said…

R i c h a r d

He didn’t realize when all he could see was black. Black and silence.

***

It was coming back to him. Who he was. Who the rest of them were. When Kelly came next, he know who he was. Kelly didn’t say anything, just stood there, looking at him, crying softly. Until Kelly moved a bit closer, slid down the wall and curled up, shaking.

***

Carter would come into the room and talk for hours. Saying how glad he was that dad found him, that they were worried sick, that he was afraid when Richard stopped calling, they thought that maybe Richard killed him, and he started crying.

Joe didn’t know what to do. But he slowly stood up from the bed and got closer to Carter. He reached out his hand and took Carter’s.

Carter looked at him with such wide eyes and the moment his other hand raised, Joe flinched back so violently he smacked the wall and he couldn’t breathe, _why couldn’t he breathe_ \- 

He whined, baring his throat to Carter, asking for forgiveness in the only way he could.

“No, no, breathe Joe, breathe. You need to breathe, you didn’t do anything wrong. You just startled me, I’m not going to hurt you, I swear on my life, please Joe, look at me.”

When Joe did, he saw the sincerity in his eyes. The panic subdued and he slid down the wall, never taking his eyes of Carter.

“I’m so sorry Joe, I’m so sorry. Forgive me. I won’t touch you without your permission, because I’m not that son of a dog so please, please, don’t be afraid of me.”

***

Whenever Carter was with him alone, he cried.

But he would also carry him on his back, hiss at everyone else to not approach whenever he took him outside.

The sun felt nice.

Then he noticed, many weeks later, that Carter didn’t let anyone touch him in his presence.

***

Mark was there too. He talked. He cried. But he was so blue.

So sad. So sad and so blue and Joe wanted to cry.

***

The nightmares never stopped.

Every night he dreamt of Richard.

_Of Richard calling his parents and breaking his fingers one by one and Joe could only screech and shriek in pain because it hurt, it hurt so much, and the only thing he could do was ask to come home, please let him come home._

_Of Richard beating him when he refused to eat because his ribs were broken and he couldn’t eat but Richard told him that he would do much more to him if he didn’t ate, and that there is no limit to pain. He obeyed._

_Of Richard clawing him up in his wolf form until he bled enough, and then he would leave him alone to heal._

_Of him using hammer to break his legs, arms, to make him scream as much as possible._

_Of him telling him things._

_Telling him that it was revenge. Abel, Thomas, Mark. That Thomas killed the entire pack, that he took everything away._

_Telling him that he was worthless. That his father gave him to Richard because he was bad son, bad alpha, bad bad bad bad bad._

_He said: “You are the reason your father abandoned you. Gave you to me. You are nothing and no one. Nobody. Worthless son, worthless brother, worthless alpha. You are weak, pathetic and everyone would die under your leadership. See?” And when he snapped his wrist, Joe could only scream, because it was the only thing left. “See? A true alpha would never show fear, nor tears, nor scream in pain. But you do. See?_ Everything would have been okay if you just stayed quiet.”

_Sometimes he would tell him of all the things he wanted to do to him. He didn’t want to listen, but the terror of not listening was too strong. So he had to._

_When he licked his sweat from his face, busy breaking his fingers after he had broken his knees, he growled, “Oh how much I want to break you apart. How much I want to tear you to shreds until you are a broken mess lying on the floor, begging to be torn to pieces. Oh what I want to do to you. But I guess we don’t have much time.”_

***

Kelly was easiest to touch. He touched him back. Curled around him and slept with him in bed. When he dreamed and woke up screaming, Kelly was whispering and shushing him, saying _you’re safe, you are home, no one will hurt you now, I won’t let them._ He couldn't tell Kelly that sometimes he dreamed that Richard took apart Kelly and Carter in front of him. That there was nothing he could do to stop it. That he was worthless brother, worthless alpha.

He didn’t tell Kelly that all he could feel back then was fear, pain, anger, sadness, abandonment, heart wrenching suffering.

***

Two months passed. His father took him outside, put him on his back and took him into the trees.

He was careful not to fidget too much even though it scared him to be so far from where they were.

“Don’t worry, my son. It will be alright. I want to tell you about something.”

And then he talked about what it meant to be an alpha.

***

He still couldn’t speak. It’s been almost a year, but he still couldn’t find his voice.

Where did it go?

He knew. Because it was easier not to talk. Because a dark corner of his mind convinced him that everything Richard said was true, and that it was his fault that he was taken away. Because he was annoying, because he would one day let his pack down, give wrong orders, be useless.

He knew he shouldn’t believe it, but it was hard to when he saw Richard every other day. He knew he wasn’t there really, because no one reacted to him. No one saw him.

***

A year and a half passed. And nothing had worked. Not therapy, not his old friends, nothing. 

They had to leave.

They were returning to Green Creek.

It became easier to him. He remembered everything of his life before the endless weeks of torture.

But the connection between them was lost. The bond was fragile and weak and he never felt at home.

He couldn’t remember what the feeling of “home” was.

***

When they reached Green Creek, Joe went out.

He went on the road, until he smelled it.

It was candy canes, pinecones, epic and awesome. 

It smelled like _home_.


End file.
